Living abroad has it great benefits, but one of the downsides is that when friends and family are in need back home, one is too far away to be of real help and aid and all one can do is wait for the next email update to come in. It's happened to me in two separate instances in the past month.
First, I have a dear friend of mine, Keith Griffith recently pass away. He was in his early 50's and had been living with HIV for many years, but due a different illness was sick and confined to a bed at home during his last few weeks. Luckily, he came to visit me in Rome in late May, and I think he knew then that it was the last time we would see each other. He was going around seeing his loved ones before he departed this world. He's lived Augusta, GA and had been in and out of the hospital for the past two months, but recently hadn't gotten out of bed. It was hard as his family would not accept any responsibility to help. They live within a few hours and didn't give any assistance. Therefore it was about 8 of us, his friends, from all over the country (and world) piecing together care. Thankfully a friend of Keith's, Frank, from Maine, got leave from work and was there most of the time during the last month. Being in Beijing, I was literally on the other side of the world. I couldn't provide any help on site in any way. All I could do wass provide financial assistance. So, I was plane ticket guy. Anyone who needed a ticket to get to Augusta, I paid for. It was all I could do from here on the other side of the world. The 8 of us from from England, China, Maine, Boston, Houston, North Carolina, and the Bay Area were his support system. It was crazy, but we made it work. And Keith was never alone in his final days.
Keith worked in the adult entertainment industry, running a very successful and well-known website. He was a wonderful man and friend, I'll miss him dearly. I include a link to an article written in honor of his passing.
The second situation I find myself feeling helpless about is the suffering that my mother is dealing with right now. For her, she isn't suffering physically, but she is under a great deal of stress in taking care of her elderly parents, my 90-something grandparents. Both of them STILL live on their own and for many years, she has been running around taking care of them without us knowing how much time it was taking from her life. However, things have gotten to the point where she can't do it anymore. My sense is that she is caught between two worlds. Being Chinese, my sense is that she simply can't get herself to the point to put them into a nursing home. They are, at this point, beyond assisted living. In speaking with her, I found out she holds all the cards. She has power of attorney and my grandparents have the money to pay for nursing home care. She has been piecing together care with a person to come in a couple days a week to help with errands and a person sleeps at my grandparents home each evening, but it still isn't enough. Then yesterday, I got an email from my father stating that my grandmother had fallen and will be in the hospital for a few weeks with two broken arms and a broken femur. My mothers life just got TRIPLY more difficult. What makes me feel helpless and sad is of course, the suffering of my grandparents, but more, my mother's suffering. She's been dealt a bad hand. She has her parents to take care of, and then doesn't get the joys of grandchildren. I know that I am the problem in the latter.
So, there are people in my life who were suffering and are suffering now. Keith, you were a dear and loved friend of mine. I hope that you are now in a better place. And Mom, I want you to know that I love you and feel so bad that this is what's happening right now. I support you in whatever decisions you make. I think you know that all of us around you do too. We just hurt to see you so stressed and to see you have to deal with this difficult situation.
First, I have a dear friend of mine, Keith Griffith recently pass away. He was in his early 50's and had been living with HIV for many years, but due a different illness was sick and confined to a bed at home during his last few weeks. Luckily, he came to visit me in Rome in late May, and I think he knew then that it was the last time we would see each other. He was going around seeing his loved ones before he departed this world. He's lived Augusta, GA and had been in and out of the hospital for the past two months, but recently hadn't gotten out of bed. It was hard as his family would not accept any responsibility to help. They live within a few hours and didn't give any assistance. Therefore it was about 8 of us, his friends, from all over the country (and world) piecing together care. Thankfully a friend of Keith's, Frank, from Maine, got leave from work and was there most of the time during the last month. Being in Beijing, I was literally on the other side of the world. I couldn't provide any help on site in any way. All I could do wass provide financial assistance. So, I was plane ticket guy. Anyone who needed a ticket to get to Augusta, I paid for. It was all I could do from here on the other side of the world. The 8 of us from from England, China, Maine, Boston, Houston, North Carolina, and the Bay Area were his support system. It was crazy, but we made it work. And Keith was never alone in his final days.
Keith worked in the adult entertainment industry, running a very successful and well-known website. He was a wonderful man and friend, I'll miss him dearly. I include a link to an article written in honor of his passing.
The second situation I find myself feeling helpless about is the suffering that my mother is dealing with right now. For her, she isn't suffering physically, but she is under a great deal of stress in taking care of her elderly parents, my 90-something grandparents. Both of them STILL live on their own and for many years, she has been running around taking care of them without us knowing how much time it was taking from her life. However, things have gotten to the point where she can't do it anymore. My sense is that she is caught between two worlds. Being Chinese, my sense is that she simply can't get herself to the point to put them into a nursing home. They are, at this point, beyond assisted living. In speaking with her, I found out she holds all the cards. She has power of attorney and my grandparents have the money to pay for nursing home care. She has been piecing together care with a person to come in a couple days a week to help with errands and a person sleeps at my grandparents home each evening, but it still isn't enough. Then yesterday, I got an email from my father stating that my grandmother had fallen and will be in the hospital for a few weeks with two broken arms and a broken femur. My mothers life just got TRIPLY more difficult. What makes me feel helpless and sad is of course, the suffering of my grandparents, but more, my mother's suffering. She's been dealt a bad hand. She has her parents to take care of, and then doesn't get the joys of grandchildren. I know that I am the problem in the latter.
So, there are people in my life who were suffering and are suffering now. Keith, you were a dear and loved friend of mine. I hope that you are now in a better place. And Mom, I want you to know that I love you and feel so bad that this is what's happening right now. I support you in whatever decisions you make. I think you know that all of us around you do too. We just hurt to see you so stressed and to see you have to deal with this difficult situation.
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