This
article about the most recent Lawrenceville School student body president showed up in my Facebook feed this past week. I've been pondering it while I've been swimming my laps, thinking about why my initial reaction might be different from many who were outraged by the fact that this student body president was to "face disciplinary action unless she resigned." So I'll divide this response into two parts: the first is more of the administrative angle, much more clear cut, the second is my personal response to having been a faculty member at Lawrenceville and a minority member of the predominantly (in the media at least) Caucasian gay community.
First off, I've been an administrator/teacher and this article was reported because of the ultimate action....the resignation of the president. However, a student that performs this kind of action (taking a picture making fun of another group) and posts it publicly has most likely been pushing the envelope of in/appropriate behavior, both as a student and as student representative. In the way this short article was reported, we are NOT privy to any of the back story. What else was going on with this student. There is NO WAY an institution would act in such a heavy-handed reputation ruining way. It's not in their educational and financial interest. In this way, I can only defend the administration.
In other things we don't know, there are certainly allegations being thrown around, threats of lawsuit and the compromising of college acceptances (the ultimate prep school currency) that were in the mix of consideration of the administrations decision, these unfortunately muddied the waters, when in an educational sense, they should not have. These external forces also pushed the administration to take the action of asking for a resignation. Again, we aren't privy to information.....and most of the time we aren't. We are only seeing the final scene of what is probably a very complicated and convoluted set of circumstances. That's how I see it.
Now for a more personal take on this. I taught at Lawrenceville in 1995-98. It was my first ever teaching job and I loved the place. In many ways, those were the most idyllic years of my teaching career. Ignorance is bliss as they say. At that time, I was the only Asian-American male on the teaching staff of over 100. Not to say that I ever felt out of place or treated badly, but I did notice it. Things were easier for me since I had gone to an independent school for high school myself, so I knew the academic pressures and the way independent schools operate. What WAS challenging for me in both high school and at Lawrenceville was the social aspect. It wasn't a money thing, my parents had plenty of that and could afford anything, for me it was an "old money" versus "new money" issue. I simply didn't know how to or ever was invited to "summer at the Cape or the Vineyard." I didn't know what it meant or how to dress even if I got invited. I didn't have the right equipment to ski or even understand the language of the places or the people many of the young faculty I worked with (and were many times alumni of the school or of other eastern boarding schools) that I never felt included. Ultimately, I didn't aspire to that, but I always felt "outside" of what appeared (even though it wasn't) and seemed to be a clique of same age members of the faculty. I ultimately left because I came out and wanted to see the world as a gay man and not be living on a gated boarding school campus in suburban New Jersey. I left for San Francisco!!!
Now here I was in the gay mecca of the United States. I should have been happy and having the time of my life. I never felt more alone in my life those first few years there. I would go online and check out the profiles of other guys in San Francisco, and how many times would I see "NO ASIANS" written in the profile. Talk about not feeling included or wanted. In my decade in San Francisco, I can only blame myself for not pushing through my feeling of not being included. I should have seen that there is more beyond the gay world that is shown in the media. I should understand that there is value to us who are not beautiful and buff and...ultimately, Caucasian. But what I really want to say here is that I can understand why the Lawrenceville student body president was mocking the "lax bros." I can't say that why she took those pictures is the same as why I might have done such a thing, but for me, it's because I make fun of those things I truly want to be or be apart of. I want to be accepted, I want to be in the group and so if I don't think I can be, then I'll mock it. Hell, I make fun of Canada, because I secretly wish I could be Canadian! But my growth area needs to be self-acceptance and to accept that I sometimes probably didn't give people a chance. I didn't even try to get to join the group and see them as individuals. Yeah, of course there will be assholes, but not all of them are. And I need to be cognizant that I myself probably have been unwittingly exclusionary and unaware of my actions that have made people feel not accepted. Here's hoping that I can overcome my demons and to be the person I hope others to be.
