I sit here in the SYA back office for the last time. I just left Anna having eaten my last pranzo of homemade gnocchi. I am about to stop by for a last caffe with Max at Bagalino's and then head to the train station with a one-way ticket to Rome. It will be strange not to use the BIRG, the roundtrip that always gets me back to Viterbo.
I am sad, REALLY sad to leave Viterbo. Sono proprio Viterbese! Yes, I know I should be excited to live in Rome, having the world-class city at my doorstep. But why is it that I can't let go of the fact that I'm leaving this place, which has been home for two amazing years.
While I was swimming today, I kind of realized why it hurts to leave. It's because I completely engrossed myself in this experience. I traveled, I was outgoing, I made a few friends here, but mostly, I immersed myself fully that I fell in love with life here. I am going to miss living at Anna's, because it was home. I'm going to miss my colleagues, I'm going to miss Bagalino's, Pizzeria DJ, Monastero, Latteria L'Antica, the Viterbo-Rome train, the Larus Pool, the list goes on and on.
I'm scared that I won't find things that I love this much in Rome. I hate the feeling of having to start ALL OVER again. I worry that I won't find a favorite bar, that I'll feel lost in the big city, that I won't be able to foster the relationships that I made here. This feeling of loss is probably as close to the feeling of love I have ever had.
Now, it is heartening to know that I've felt this way before. Intensely great and rewarding experiences (all ones in which I was completely 100% involved in, such as Governors' School, those for FTE experiences, Lawrenceville to name a few) all came to an end and I had the same feeling of intense sadness for them being over. But, I know that they did eventually go away and I look back on them with incredible fondness. So, this too shall pass. I know it will.
It comes to an end. But I leave with great memories, a true hometown in the country of Italy and somehow along the way, I began speaking Italian comfortably.
It's time to fly back to the United States for the six weeks and then return to Rome in late August. If I can dive into life there 75% as much as I did here, it will be great. However, for now, I'm just going to be sad for a few days.