Yes, there has been radio silence here on the blog for just over a week. The reason? The arrival of Mom and Dad. They were here from the evening of Thursday March 3rd and I dropped them off at the Oakland Airport at 6AM Monday March 7th. There were some good moments during the weekend such as our dinner with my cousin Henry as well as a visit to Frank Shen and his family.
Chens on left, Shens on right (photo courtesy of Chester Chen's mastery of the self-picture)
However, the weekend did provide some tense moments and I certainly was not an angel in all of it. I won't go into the details mainly because I am trying to preserve some dignity and not reveal how horrible of a son I am, but there was great relief when I dropped them off at the airport. But about three minutes later I began to feel so bad that I was so relieved they were leaving. I mean, hello, these are my parents and they are doing the best they can from the life experiences they had.
So I began sifting through my flareups during the weekend. The first conclusion is actually a rehash of an old learning moment I had as a teacher. At one point a female student was telling me about a problem, I tried to tell her what to do and she comes back with, "Mr. Chen I don't want you to solve my problems, just listen." ZOINKS!! And that has stayed with me for years. Unfortunately Dad (and to a lesser extent Mom) always have some suggestion, comment, improvement, etc. They may mean them with the best intent, but the fact that they are trying to tell me what I should do along with the fact that it's coming with that same voice I heard as a child causes me to go into a huge rage. So lesson #1 for M&D is to listen. If they continue to "make suggestions" they will find themselves even more shut out of the information they really want to know.
Then on Friday, Mom and Dad took the car during the schoolday and at some point went to K-Mart to get an umbrella and then bought lots of other things, one of them being a new area rug for my television room. The good son in me should have said thank you, accepted it, laid it on the ground when we got home and then removed it when they left. But NOOOO, I had to throw a hissy ove some arugment like, man I can't remember and it was so bad, and we had a huge fight over it. Again, I come across as ungrateful for not accepting a gift from my parents. However, this was one of many things that they changed while at my place. Some good, but the carpet stands out. So this solution splits the difference. I need to be more grateful for gifts given to me and my parents need to think about whether or not i actually might want something and then calling me. Lastly, after having a week away from all this, I realized that no one in my familly is good at receiving gifts. I mean, how was I supposed to learn how to be grateful and good about receiving a gift when my role models didn't themselves. Ok, this last part was a little harsh. My bad.
There were a couple more incidents like this over the weekend, but the revelations are not nearly as grand, so I'll leave them be. All of this brought to you by my two years working with a therapist, because I actually now do sort through my feelings. CONCEPT.
However, the weekend did provide some tense moments and I certainly was not an angel in all of it. I won't go into the details mainly because I am trying to preserve some dignity and not reveal how horrible of a son I am, but there was great relief when I dropped them off at the airport. But about three minutes later I began to feel so bad that I was so relieved they were leaving. I mean, hello, these are my parents and they are doing the best they can from the life experiences they had.
So I began sifting through my flareups during the weekend. The first conclusion is actually a rehash of an old learning moment I had as a teacher. At one point a female student was telling me about a problem, I tried to tell her what to do and she comes back with, "Mr. Chen I don't want you to solve my problems, just listen." ZOINKS!! And that has stayed with me for years. Unfortunately Dad (and to a lesser extent Mom) always have some suggestion, comment, improvement, etc. They may mean them with the best intent, but the fact that they are trying to tell me what I should do along with the fact that it's coming with that same voice I heard as a child causes me to go into a huge rage. So lesson #1 for M&D is to listen. If they continue to "make suggestions" they will find themselves even more shut out of the information they really want to know.
Then on Friday, Mom and Dad took the car during the schoolday and at some point went to K-Mart to get an umbrella and then bought lots of other things, one of them being a new area rug for my television room. The good son in me should have said thank you, accepted it, laid it on the ground when we got home and then removed it when they left. But NOOOO, I had to throw a hissy ove some arugment like, man I can't remember and it was so bad, and we had a huge fight over it. Again, I come across as ungrateful for not accepting a gift from my parents. However, this was one of many things that they changed while at my place. Some good, but the carpet stands out. So this solution splits the difference. I need to be more grateful for gifts given to me and my parents need to think about whether or not i actually might want something and then calling me. Lastly, after having a week away from all this, I realized that no one in my familly is good at receiving gifts. I mean, how was I supposed to learn how to be grateful and good about receiving a gift when my role models didn't themselves. Ok, this last part was a little harsh. My bad.
There were a couple more incidents like this over the weekend, but the revelations are not nearly as grand, so I'll leave them be. All of this brought to you by my two years working with a therapist, because I actually now do sort through my feelings. CONCEPT.