WPC - "White Fragility"

After my first day at the conference and my experience with the Black Men's Think Tank, the formal program began on Friday April 28th, 2017.  The first of four keynote addresses (in the unfortunately, for a White Privilege Conference, named "Imperial/Colonial Ballroom) was a speaker named Glenn Singleton. His topic was "A Courageous Conversation about White Privilege" and I was half paying attention when he makes his big statement, "WHITE WOMEN HAVE TO DO THE WORK AND LEAD!" I went, WHAT?  He made a couple other statements here in my notes that I jotted down, "Sarah Palin is the Uncle Tom of White Women" and "Others suffering is the payment for their, white women's complicity." I think that Singleton may have just assumed that we in the audience knew why it should be White Women who need to do the work to break the pains of white privilege (and he said supremacy, which in time I came to understand as the more correct word, but not in the overt racist sense), but I didn't really know why.  So I had a couple conversations later on and I threw together a couple of my reasons:

• White Women raise white children and do much of the education at the elementary level and so have the ability to shape kids when they are young.
•White Women have deep understanding of their disadvantage as women (and should know the privilege of being White) and therefore can speak with authority on both sides of this issue.
•White Women have leverage over White Men.

These are simply my ideas and probably simplistic in nature, but Singleton's speech was hard hitting on this point and I think some, like me, were taken aback at its direct nature.  After this first morning keynote, it was onto the first breakout session.  I had been told that there was a speaker who had written a very famous essay about "White Fragility," but I had no idea what it was about.  So I went to this talk by Robin DiAngelo.  She has lots to say and hurried through much of the talk (that seemed to be much of the theme this first morning), but here's a summary of what she had to say (credit to Professor DiAngelo and I'm kind of paraphrasing what she has written and published on the internet)

In essence, she says that White People in North America live in an environment in which they are always in the dominant culture and protects them from "race-based stress," which I take to mean both the stress of having to be uncomfortable because they aren't the dominant race and in which their racial attitudes and beliefs are challenged.  The White race is deemed and reinforces as "normal", "universal" and "good."  White is the norm and people of color represent themselves but as seen as "other." 

Once DiAngelo establishes this precedent, she goes on to say "challenges to this identity become highly stressful and intolerable" and trigger racial stress for Whites.  Here are some examples

•Suggesting that a white person's viewpoint comes from a racialized frame of reference (challenges their sense of objectivity)
•POC talking about their racial perspective (white taboo of talking about race)
•POC choosing not to protect racial feelings of whites (challenges need/entitlement to racial comfort)
•A fellow white not providing agreement with one's racial perspective (challenge to white solidarity)
•Receiving feedback that one's behavior had racist impact (challenge to white racial innocence)
•An acknowlegdement that access is unequal between racial groups (challenge to meritocracy)
•Being presented with a POC in a position of leadership  (challenge to white authority)
•Being presented with information about other racial groups through, for example, movies in which POC are the subject and not in stereotypical roles (challenge to white centrality)

I read this (post DiAngelo talk) and it was congruent with her statement, which she made many times, of white "internalized superiority." Wow, even as a POC I could see myself always thinking that being White was better than being Asian. I'll talk more about this in a future post. She also said that there is "psychic burden from not belonging" or the equivalent, "lack of psychic burden of belonging."  And then she made the statement that I found so true, not necessarily profound, but I just had never heard it said, but that it's HARD FOR WHITES TO HEAR THIS ALL FROM A POC< SO WHITE'S NEED TO HEAR IT FROM OTHER WHITES"

BOOM!

And so what is White Fragility?  It is when whites are confronted with racial issues that make them uncomfortable, and they resort to defending, crying, arguing, minimizing or ignoring the issues in order to control the situation and maintain power.  DiAngelo then stated that "when a white person makes it miserable to talk about race, or resorts to crying, it's BULLYING." This behavior is controlling and is a power play to ignore being uncomfortable about challenges to the way the world is set up for their comfort and convenience.

DiAngelo sped through her slides so fast everyone was snapping photos.  Here's one I took where I got her in the corner.  It was funny because she made Seattle references to "Fife and Smokey Point" as places of whiteness!

So then DiAngelo went through the ways in which whites have to give that feedback to other whites.  It's the "Rules of Engagement," of in other words, the White Norms for giving racial feedback. Oh when I saw this list, I was blown away at ingrained I am to them and how I have internalized them myself.

1) DON'T GIVE ANY FEEDBACK ON MY (white) RACISM, but if you break this cardinal rule

2) Proper tone is crucial -- feedback must be given calmly.  Emotion invalidates feedback.
3) There must be trust between us -- you must believe that I'm NOT racist before I can hear feedback.
4) Our relationship must be issue free
5) Feedback must be immediate
6) Feedback must be given privately even if the incident occurred in public.
7) You must be indirect as possible
8) As a a white person I must feel completely safe during any discussion (safe = comfortable)
9) Giving feedback on my racial privilege invalidates the form of oppression I have experienced
10) You must focus on intentions (cancels out the actual behavior)
11) To suggest behavior had a racist impact is to have misunderstood me (give me every opportunity to explain until you as the giver of feedback and find that it was your misunderstanding)

GUILTY AS CHARGED.  ERNIE CHEN ALL ACCOUNTS.

So DiAngelo then goes on to write (I found online) that the antidote to White Fragility is:

•Being willing to tolerate the discomfort associated with an honest appraisal and discussion of white privilege and internalized superiority
•Challenge the whites own racial reality by acknowledging themselves as racial beings (white is a race!) and their limited racial understanding
•Attempt to understand the racial realities of POC through authentic interactions rather than just relying on the media or unequal relationships.
•Take action against their own racism and racism of their whites, i.e. get educated and act

So it was weird writing this post because many times I used the third person (because I'm not white) and many times I lapsed into first person (because I embodied what was being said).  But I now see this "white fragility" everywhere.  But wow, is it my place?  This is the crux of my being at the WPC.  I live the white privilege in about 95% of my life, but I think this conference is telling me that I have to act even though I don't look the part.  So, what are the action steps?  That's the key question.

In conclusion, this first breakout session was an important way for me to see the big picture.  It gave me a framework for understanding why people behave the way they do, even though they may not recognize it.

White Privilege Conference (WPC) and the Black Men's Think Tank

This past week, seven colleagues, five students and I flew to Kansas City to attend the White Privilege Conference.  I have to state that LWHS walks its talk when it wants to talk about our privilege and actually makes time in the schedule to talk about the issues of race, gender, sexuality just to name a few. In the short time I've been at LWHS, along with my recent years abroad, I realized how much privilege I have and how I've didn't realize it for years. Of course, I'm not white, but I've had all the same financial privileges and advantages that is associated with being white.  I've had educational advantages and geographic advantage (growing up in a multi-cultural and progressive Seattle and now living in San Francisco). I can even say that I live in a generational privilege in that I came out as gay right as the Internet made it easier to do so and then in the age where being gay is much more accepted (although we probably do have white men to thank for gay right acceptance).  And as I've learned recently, I'm privileged to be cis-gendered.

Here's more about the  White Privilege Conference.

So the following posts will be my experiences and observations about some of the sessions.  I came to the conference thinking that I was going to be able to get some simple (boy is this NOT a simple issue) tools to be able to combat privilege. I came to this conference from the perspective of privilege in my classroom, but WOW is it bigger and more systemic than I ever imagined. More on that to come in later posts.  But I'll start here with my first WPC experience.

The day before the Conference began (Friday April 28th), there were daylong institutes that were optional. I looked through the offerings and the institutes were rated Beginner, Intermediate or Advanced.  Considering this was my first time at the conference and since I felt like I didn't know anything, the only Beginner institute that I felt I was "qualified" for was called the Black Men's Think Tank. So I arrived at 9AM and noticed I was the only non Black Man there.  The leader of the session came over and talked to me (definitely making sure I knew where I was and clearly giving me all the signals that I might not be in the right place). He ended our short conversation by saying, "we are here if you identify as black."  Well, now I realized that there is a difference between identifying as black and being an ally.  I was there as an ally, not out of identity.

But I stayed.  I thought I was going to be amongst Black Educators who would be able to help me make sure that I am working "correctly" (whatever that means) with many of my students of color.  Turns out this conference is not just for educators, but for all people. The introductory speaker was a local pastor who started by talking about all the black men in political and business leadership positions in the Kansas City area, and how many of them are "whitewashed" and used the black community's support to get to power but now aren't helping the blacks in the city.  This made me start thinking about much I may be "whitewashed" in that I've played the game in the white world.  Why aren't I giving back more and just working at my cushy (very) teaching job at an independent school?  Where is my sense of giving back....or at least giving.

There was another speaker and we did some pair sharing. I'm glad that another diversity director of a school in Brooklyn came to be my partner. At least we could overlap with education. Then we went around and did introductions. It was at this time I learned that many of the men in the room were in religious institutions or running community organizations.  Many were doing work in higher education and then it came to me.

So I stood up and gave my basic information. Then I stated why I was there and how I wanted to thank them for letting me stay and be welcome.  Now here's the thing, and this is what I noticed. I didn't speak with my normal sense of ease and freedom. I was saying all these words but working so hard to choose my words carefully to try and convey that a) I was there to support b) I wasn't trying to claim I was black and c) to try and make myself feel more comfortable and d) say something that would elicit a reaction/response from the group that I would recognize as being welcome.  Trying to do all of those objectives at the same time was hard.

And it was with that then I realized what it must be like for some of my students who come from culturally different places and norms to be in my very very white school.  They must sit there and work so hard to feel comfortable because they aren't in a space that is what they know. I know that there I was for three hours working twice as hard to try and be present and to be so attuned to how I sat and what I was projecting to the others.  Now I know why when my students have free periods they meet up in a place in which they can be themselves and be comfortable.

Then this happened.

The Black-Men's Think Tank #5

Just before the lunch break, they took a picture.  I honestly didn't know if I should be in it.  And as you see by the way I'm positioned on the left back kind of ducking into the picture....is a statement of how I think some blacks feel in the world? (Projecting here). They did invite me into the photo and so there I am.  I would not have been in this photo had I not been formally invited by one of the other men in the picture.  I learn how important the invitation is for those who may be in a space and not the majority.  This photo is now in the Twittersphere.  And yes, there is an Asian-guy in front.  More on him later.  He plays an important role for me in this conference.

After lunch, the plan was to have the men start setting goals with for each other and to support each others work. Many of these men, I found out, work on issues of race in isolation in small towns/school across the country. The Think Tank I found out is more than just a place of discussion, it's a support group. This is a place for them to make connections and find others who are doing the same work and meeting the same obstacles. At this point I had already planned to do some sightseeing in Kansas City but needed to tell the leader that I wasn't abandoning them and escaping.  Again, I tried to say all this and convey it in a way that I wanted to be seen as sincere.  So much coding....wow.

This first three hours at the conference was quite a start. I learned just so much by sitting there and observing how I was feeling in the space.  I learned how much I don't understand about how black men talk (there was much vocabulary I didn't understand) and how much work it must for blacks to be in white spaces.

EPILOGUE:  That evening, I ran into the leader of the institute, the one who I talked to at the beginning.  I asked whether or not my presence was offensive and whether or not my being in the room altered their conversation. He assured me that I did fine (I took that to mean that I didn't detract....there was no way I was going to add) and that he was glad to hear my observations.