All of us who graduated from high school/college/graduate school are by default, alums of those institutions. I attended and graduated from The Lakeside School in Seattle, WA. Class of 1988, thank you. So today, there was a Bay Area gathering of alums held at The University Club in San Francisco. The address, 800 Powell, should have given me enough warning to stay away. Why is it that I feel that I am never going to enjoy these events. Against my typical anal retentiveness, I showed up 20 minutes late, which is the outer parts of the margin or error for me. I walk into this stately ballroom and there is no one (out of about a dozen) there that I know or even recognize. I lounged around the food, looked at the spectacular view, glanced at some of the Lakeside literature and talked to the Director of Planned Giving for a couple of minutes. Then, the Director of Alumni Affairs was free, she is someone I know as she was a year younger than me, and after the typical small talk, there was the awkward silence. She broke it by telling me that she saw a bunch of my classmates, you know the ones who always hung out together and lived in the same wealthy neighboorhoods and belonged to the Seattle Tennis Club, that morning at a breakfast held by one of my 1988 classmates. That took me RIGHT back to being 16 and feeling that I was always left out. I know that I should be proud of my life and what I've done and to be happy with who I am, but to hear the names of those classmates of mine in that context once again made me feel inferior. At the time, I didn't understand the feelings, just that I had to get out of there and fast. I know that the unresolved issues of high school are complete and utter BS. There is NO ONE to blame except me and I'm sure all the breakfast eaters are perfectly nice people now that they are 35 as well. I need to suck it up and let it go.
I see those friends of mine from high school and college, the people near and dear to my heart. So, a vow. I will give money to the institutions that I hold so dear, but alumni functions, for the time being, are out of the question.
3 comments:
Chen, as a hrs student i was turned on to your blog by a friend of mine, of course because of the oh-so-scandalous semen sandwich incident. However, i read this entry as well, and as a former student of yours i know that you are a wonderful person (and i'm sure that s&m knows this too, you go boy!!!). Anyway, high school is rough on everyone, but who cares, screw all the kids that made you feel like you weren't good enough or cool enough or inferior in some way. Because that stuff is SO petty, and you are not only a funny, exciting, witty and overall fantastic person, but a great teacher that helps all of us kids everyday. Thanks Chen, remember that we love you!!!
I agree completely and 100% with the poster before me.
Amen x 2!
Love Marta
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