I have to say this it was a turning point dinner for me,
because it was the first time I had felt like I knew enough of the backstory of
everyone there that I felt like I wasn't gathering data, but actually
participating. It's actually a really good lesson for me to take to heart
as I move to SF, where I do know people but I'm going to also want and need to
make new friends and join new groups and activities. I need to remember
that I just need to keep showing up...if I feel like I want to be apart, I have
to keep coming back and let people know that there it is worthwhile to invest
there energies in getting to know me and that I will do the same. So
here's how I felt really apart of the group. First and foremost, NO
ALCOHOL was pushed on me at anytime in the evening. That was nice not to
have to fight that battle. I guess my Chinese is improving even in these
last few days because I understood everything that was said AND I chimed in a
couple times. What's nice is that when I do speak, everyone shuts up to
let me struggle through, and usually Onions knows exactly what I'm talking
about and rewords things for me. It's really nice that Onions and I have been
together that I may not say things correctly, but we've been together long
enough he knows how I word things and how I get my point across using my own
ways. When he and I talk it's only about once a week where I have to
speak in English because what I want to say is so complicated I can't figure
out how to do it in Chinese.
So what do these guys talk about? It's almost all about razzing each other just like all guys do. Once I was able last night to just relax and enjoy myself I realized that this is the kind of groups I hoped to find when I moved to SF back in 1998. These guys are their "chosen" family here in Beijing. They've known each other for years. They talk about old flames, people they know that have moved away. They show each other pictures of cute guys they chat with on their phones (it's the way we all talk these days...I've met so many of my friends and acquaintances on gay apps....it's like a bar on your phone) and who's dating who. It's like a television show. So here's how I made my big joke of the evening. 10 of the 12 guys there last night are dating and in relationships (Onions and I are two). But two guys, two of the three loudest and most vocal, are single. Part of the conversation at the end of the evening was everyone encouraging these guys (jokingly I think...I sometimes might not get sarcasm) to get together and go out on a date. I then chimed in and told the guys that I'm staying at Onions house and my apartment, near where one of them lives is free and offered up my house key. It got some laughs. Then later, feeling bold, I told the group...well the downside of them potentially getting together is that a major topic of conversation would be eliminated...but then one guy said....no way, it would increase topics because those two guys most assuredly complain about each other. It was a fun evening and I finally felt comfortable. Too bad I'm leaving.
So what do these guys talk about? It's almost all about razzing each other just like all guys do. Once I was able last night to just relax and enjoy myself I realized that this is the kind of groups I hoped to find when I moved to SF back in 1998. These guys are their "chosen" family here in Beijing. They've known each other for years. They talk about old flames, people they know that have moved away. They show each other pictures of cute guys they chat with on their phones (it's the way we all talk these days...I've met so many of my friends and acquaintances on gay apps....it's like a bar on your phone) and who's dating who. It's like a television show. So here's how I made my big joke of the evening. 10 of the 12 guys there last night are dating and in relationships (Onions and I are two). But two guys, two of the three loudest and most vocal, are single. Part of the conversation at the end of the evening was everyone encouraging these guys (jokingly I think...I sometimes might not get sarcasm) to get together and go out on a date. I then chimed in and told the guys that I'm staying at Onions house and my apartment, near where one of them lives is free and offered up my house key. It got some laughs. Then later, feeling bold, I told the group...well the downside of them potentially getting together is that a major topic of conversation would be eliminated...but then one guy said....no way, it would increase topics because those two guys most assuredly complain about each other. It was a fun evening and I finally felt comfortable. Too bad I'm leaving.
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