Essentially, we can call this two week trip of mine, a journey down memory lane. But it's also serving as a cleansing of the soul as well. More on that later. Flying from Oakland to Newark (via Orange County of all places) I spent the first couple days of this trip at my old stomping grounds of Lawrenceville. I puttered around with Jim J., spent an evening in Philadelphia, and took a nice long walk around campus, where I was filled with emotions of great pride in having spent three years here. It's hard to put into words what I was experiencing, but it must be that same thing that my parents feel when we go and visit some place of significance in their lives, that for me mean nothing, but it brings up something for them. I can now respect that when it occurs for them or anyone else.
A great evening of bonding, eating with Ian M. and a potential celebrity sighting of the star of the moving "Edge of Seventeen", Chris Stafford. But I'd say it's more than 50/50 but I didn't confirm by actually asking the guy who looked like the movie actor, who was sitting a mere two feet from us. By the way, high praise for the movie "Little Miss Sunshine".
Where am I now? In Ithaca, NY for the week. Again, it's another significant place in my life. I'm having those same nostalgic feelings. But it's also here where I am finally ridding myself of my relationship with Scott. I'm sad because I can envision him here taking a Wines course while I sit through lectures and discussions on US Politics. But here I am, alone. It's good to be here alone, although somewhat sad as well. But most important, I think, is that I am sitting with the feelings and letting them work through me and let them run their course. It's not easy to admit to oneself that I'm sad and that there are parts of my life I wish were different and parts of my personality that I could change but that will take immense effort and perseverance, but I guess the journey begins now. The sign? Last night, I deleted Scott's entry in my cellphone.
Onward!