Topics would include:
2) What not to say when you visit them in the hospital the day their first child is born.
3) How to avoid getting caught on the phone with your friend and having them put their soon to be talking (yeah, RIGHT!) child on the phone to "talk" to you.
4) Never attend a one year old child's birthday party. It's full of other married couples who have done nothing but spend every waking moment worrying about their precious baby. Write the check to the kid and stay the hell away.
5) Insist on being called by your name, never be called Uncle/Aunt So-and-So. You are a person, not a human gift giving/baby sitting machine.
There are many more tips that I can mention but you are probably wondering what the impetus for this posting was. It's Christmas time and that means that Christmas cards are flowing into my home at a rate of one or two per day.
Why do all my friends who have kids simply think that sticking in a photocard of their "adorable" child/children (and no picture of any adult in sight) with no personal greeting, suffices for a holiday card. I've learned absolutely NOTHING about what you did they did this year. All I can do is pull out the picture card from last year and see that Johnny/Judy can now hold a spoon and plaster food all over themselves. Come on people, put in a little more effort and care than that. Your actions (or non-actions as the case may be) are giving all you parents a bad name with your single/gay friends. Your lives are not to be lived only for your child. You, too, were independent, interesting and dynamic people at one point at an earlier point in your lives!