This past week, seven colleagues, five students and I flew to Kansas City to attend the White Privilege Conference. I have to state that LWHS walks its talk when it wants to talk about our privilege and actually makes time in the schedule to talk about the issues of race, gender, sexuality just to name a few. In the short time I've been at LWHS, along with my recent years abroad, I realized how much privilege I have and how I've didn't realize it for years. Of course, I'm not white, but I've had all the same financial privileges and advantages that is associated with being white. I've had educational advantages and geographic advantage (growing up in a multi-cultural and progressive Seattle and now living in San Francisco). I can even say that I live in a generational privilege in that I came out as gay right as the Internet made it easier to do so and then in the age where being gay is much more accepted (although we probably do have white men to thank for gay right acceptance). And as I've learned recently, I'm privileged to be cis-gendered.
Here's more about the White Privilege Conference.
So the following posts will be my experiences and observations about some of the sessions. I came to the conference thinking that I was going to be able to get some simple (boy is this NOT a simple issue) tools to be able to combat privilege. I came to this conference from the perspective of privilege in my classroom, but WOW is it bigger and more systemic than I ever imagined. More on that to come in later posts. But I'll start here with my first WPC experience.
The day before the Conference began (Friday April 28th), there were daylong institutes that were optional. I looked through the offerings and the institutes were rated Beginner, Intermediate or Advanced. Considering this was my first time at the conference and since I felt like I didn't know anything, the only Beginner institute that I felt I was "qualified" for was called the Black Men's Think Tank. So I arrived at 9AM and noticed I was the only non Black Man there. The leader of the session came over and talked to me (definitely making sure I knew where I was and clearly giving me all the signals that I might not be in the right place). He ended our short conversation by saying, "we are here if you identify as black." Well, now I realized that there is a difference between identifying as black and being an ally. I was there as an ally, not out of identity.
But I stayed. I thought I was going to be amongst Black Educators who would be able to help me make sure that I am working "correctly" (whatever that means) with many of my students of color. Turns out this conference is not just for educators, but for all people. The introductory speaker was a local pastor who started by talking about all the black men in political and business leadership positions in the Kansas City area, and how many of them are "whitewashed" and used the black community's support to get to power but now aren't helping the blacks in the city. This made me start thinking about much I may be "whitewashed" in that I've played the game in the white world. Why aren't I giving back more and just working at my cushy (very) teaching job at an independent school? Where is my sense of giving back....or at least giving.
There was another speaker and we did some pair sharing. I'm glad that another diversity director of a school in Brooklyn came to be my partner. At least we could overlap with education. Then we went around and did introductions. It was at this time I learned that many of the men in the room were in religious institutions or running community organizations. Many were doing work in higher education and then it came to me.
So I stood up and gave my basic information. Then I stated why I was there and how I wanted to thank them for letting me stay and be welcome. Now here's the thing, and this is what I noticed. I didn't speak with my normal sense of ease and freedom. I was saying all these words but working so hard to choose my words carefully to try and convey that a) I was there to support b) I wasn't trying to claim I was black and c) to try and make myself feel more comfortable and d) say something that would elicit a reaction/response from the group that I would recognize as being welcome. Trying to do all of those objectives at the same time was hard.
And it was with that then I realized what it must be like for some of my students who come from culturally different places and norms to be in my very very white school. They must sit there and work so hard to feel comfortable because they aren't in a space that is what they know. I know that there I was for three hours working twice as hard to try and be present and to be so attuned to how I sat and what I was projecting to the others. Now I know why when my students have free periods they meet up in a place in which they can be themselves and be comfortable.
Then this happened.
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| The Black-Men's Think Tank #5 |
Just before the lunch break, they took a picture. I honestly didn't know if I should be in it. And as you see by the way I'm positioned on the left back kind of ducking into the picture....is a statement of how I think some blacks feel in the world? (Projecting here). They did invite me into the photo and so there I am. I would not have been in this photo had I not been formally invited by one of the other men in the picture. I learn how important the invitation is for those who may be in a space and not the majority. This photo is now in the Twittersphere. And yes, there is an Asian-guy in front. More on him later. He plays an important role for me in this conference.
After lunch, the plan was to have the men start setting goals with for each other and to support each others work. Many of these men, I found out, work on issues of race in isolation in small towns/school across the country. The Think Tank I found out is more than just a place of discussion, it's a support group. This is a place for them to make connections and find others who are doing the same work and meeting the same obstacles. At this point I had already planned to do some sightseeing in Kansas City but needed to tell the leader that I wasn't abandoning them and escaping. Again, I tried to say all this and convey it in a way that I wanted to be seen as sincere. So much coding....wow.
This first three hours at the conference was quite a start. I learned just so much by sitting there and observing how I was feeling in the space. I learned how much I don't understand about how black men talk (there was much vocabulary I didn't understand) and how much work it must for blacks to be in white spaces.
EPILOGUE: That evening, I ran into the leader of the institute, the one who I talked to at the beginning. I asked whether or not my presence was offensive and whether or not my being in the room altered their conversation. He assured me that I did fine (I took that to mean that I didn't detract....there was no way I was going to add) and that he was glad to hear my observations.
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