My Facebook Feed and Me

When I leave on vacation, since I don’t have the Facebook app installed on my phone (and here in China the double whammy of not having a VPN activated on my phone), I can go days at a time without checking my Newsfeed on Facebook.  So, when I get back, I plant myself in front of my computer and scroll through to read and view “the lives of other.”  This past weekend, after my weekend trip with Onions, I sat down to do my ritual Facebook catch-up but this time I decided to really pay attention to the feelings and reactions I had to what I was reading and seeing.  In addition, I was conscious of what (or who’s) links I clicked through.  The following list tells me a LOT about where I am in my life at the moment in that there are those things that give me pangs of envy (therefore things I want or strive to be) and those things that I give a cursory glance to (those things that I really have no interest in). Here’s a summary….

Things that interest me or give me a punch to the emotional gut

1)    Any reference or photo or link to somewhere that I haven’t yet traveled but realize I want to go.  Kyrgyzstan?  Did someone post that they recently went to Kyrgyzstan?  The fact that I saw the photos made me long to go to that central Asian country.  Readers should not be surprised if I head there sometime in the next few years.  I realize that it was seeing photos Australia and New Zealand that pushed me over the edge to decide to head there this summer!

2)    Pictures or references to babies and kids.  The fact that I see babies and kids of my friends and I am jealous…..makes me realize that now, at 44, I’m ready to have kids AND WANT TO raise a child of my own.  My fictional womb is awake and soon to be screaming.

3)    When I read about or hear about the achievements of my former students.  It’s crazy, but I’ve been teaching since 1995 and some of my first students are now married and raising families of their own.  Some of them have advanced so far in their careers and are doing such amazing things.  I’m proud of them, but it also makes me somewhat sad that I feel I’ve stagnated.  Yes, I’ve moved abroad and am living in China, but I’m still teaching.  Why aren’t I on the cutting edge?  I feel as though I too should be really doing bigger and greater things.  The reaction here also stems from that regret that I’m in my mid-40’s and I wish I hadn’t been so complacent with my life in my 20’s and 30’s. I wish I had just taken more chances and risks!

4)    When I read about people’s athletic achievements. The emotional gut punch here is my jealousy and still not fully healed sorrow to the fact that I am no longer have all my physical ability after my accident over a decade ago.  It’s not enough that I am lucky to be upright and walking, but I so want to also be out there running in the marathons and 5K’s, I want to be playing tennis and Frisbee or Gaelic Football. 

5)    And whenever I see someone post a picture or link to some gay article about some guy’s fabulous life or some hot pictures of gay guys (or even just guys who have the ability to grow a beard) it makes me sad that I was and never will be that kind of object of sexual lust or attraction.  It would have been nice, just at some point in my life to be able to be “that hot guy.”

6)    How excited I am when I see certain people post.  I’ve realized there are about 5 Facebook friends for whom every post is fun, witty and every link I click through without question because they have proven over and over again that what they think is interesting is also of interest to me!

7)     And with the advent of all the new ads in my Facebook feed, I’m more than tempted to join one of those services that sends me new and stylish clothing each month.  Those of you who are familiar with my wardrobe…..it’s a pity that I’m not living in the United States right now because I would most certainly be a member of the Trunk Club!

Those things I don’t really care about….

8)    Why do people EVER post pictures of food?  I just don’t get it.  Yes, you got to eat a nice meal and it was pretty.  But it’s gone now…in YOUR STOMACH.

9)    I have certain Facebook friends who post WAY too often.  It’s as if every person they meet and go to coffee with, or every place they go shopping or posting five times an hour.  Isn’t that what Twitter was created for?  Just the highlights please….and no humble bragging.  That’s junior league.

10)  College girls who post pictures of themselves or are tagged in pictures falling all over themselves.  Ok, one or two is fine.  But if it dominates my newsfeed, BASTA, as they say in Italian.  And why do they always have to accentuate and push forward their chests?

11) TBT….most of the time the pictures people post of their former selves is cringeworthy.  Do we really all need to relive the bad hair and ill-fitting clothes?

12) Lastly, I DON’T CARE ABOUT DOGS AND CATS.  Especially your dogs and cats.