Discrimination?

I have never been discriminated against to my face, up until this past Friday I think. It's not like it was overt, but, well, in retropsect it was. Backstory, you always have to get it with me. I'm feeling a bit isolated here in my 60,000 person town. Last year, it was all new and exciting so I never got that feeling of loneliness. But, the start of this year, I'm starting to feel that way and so knowing that I'm going to have to face building a community when I move back to the United States, I know that I'm going to have to take action and just put myself out there.

A few weeks ago, a colleague of mine mentioned that he saw something in the newspaper about a big gay event in Rome that was happening all summer through the month of September. From what I gather from the website, it's a big festival, held on Friday and Saturday nights where they fence off a big field, set up booths and stages for music. Think the post pride day celebration in San Francisco, but on a smaller scale.

I make myself go down there. I get a hotel room for Friday night. I hike a kilometer to the site and get asked if I am on the list. I say, what list, it says I can pay 13 Euro to get in. Now the guy starts talking in Italian and says "no list, non possible." Seriously, he was holding clip board, but the sheet of paper didn't have names on it. And, I was the only person in line.

I was so shocked that I stepped back out of line and just watched for the next ten minutes as EACH AND EVERY PERSON got in past the guy who turned me away. He never looked at any list.

Now, I can't outright say that I was turned away for being what, not Italian? Not white? Was I not dressed properly? I went in the most innocuous outfit there is, jeans and a white t-shirt. Could there have been some other reason why I was legitimately turned away? There is certainly a possibility. But the bitter taste I have from that experience tells me in my heart of hearts that I was not allowed in those gates for the way I looked. It's a horrible feeling. And from the gay community as well.

I have to say that I'm turned off by the experience. I was prepared not to have a good time, but I was willing (and still able) to give myself credit for doing something that was uncomfortable and challenging, and certainly not in my comfort zone. But never in my wildest dreams did I think the evening would turn out with this outcome.